The final days of the year and the anticipation of a fresh beginning have looked very different for me over the years.
As a woman in my mid-40s, I can see now that there have been many versions of what this time of year has felt like. And just as many versions of myself.
In my earlier years, this season didn’t come with much reflection. I jumped straight into ambitious goals that felt like the right thing to do.
Lose weight.
Exercise more.
Eat healthier.
Take more trips.
It was all very “new year, new me.”
Why New Year’s Resolutions Lose Their Power Over Time
As the years went on, that ambition, hope, and excitement slowly faded. Until eventually, it disappeared altogether.
In its place came negativity. Apathy. And a quiet sense of hopelessness.
What was the point?
Nothing ever stuck. There was never enough time, money, or motivation to follow through. Why get my hopes up again just to be disappointed?
So I stopped trying.
What I didn’t realize at the time was that this wasn’t just a New Year problem.
It was an all-year problem.
When “Feeling Stuck” Isn’t a Motivation Problem
I repeated the same pattern month after month, not just every January. I set intentions. I made proclamations. I declared goals that sounded good on paper — and then I didn’t follow through.
There was always something in the way. Some external force to blame.
As a busy mom, a shift-working nurse, and the CEO of my household, I told myself I didn’t have time for me.
What I couldn’t see then was how damaging this cycle actually was.
Each time I declared, this time will be different, and then watched myself abandon it again, something chipped away inside me. My ambition. My hope. My confidence.
And eventually, my connection to myself.
What Midlife Reveals to Us
It took me reaching midlife to see it clearly.
I don’t think I could have seen it sooner.
Midlife has a way of revealing things we weren’t ready, or willing, to see in earlier years. Life slows down just enough for us to hear our true selves calling us home.
That slowing down, combined with the natural developmental changes in how we think and perceive our lives, can feel like an oh shit moment.
A What have I been doing with my life? kind of reckoning.
But midlife also offers something else.
It gives us the opportunity to listen. To see what isn’t working anymore. And to begin transforming into a version of ourselves that is more true, more aligned, and more whole.
This is the work of midlife.
Why Lasting Change Requires More Than Good Intentions
What this time has taught me is something that was uncomfortable to admit at first.
It wasn’t circumstance.
It wasn’t lack of time.
It wasn’t anyone else’s fault.
It was me.
More specifically, it was the beliefs I was operating from.
I was using excuses, unconsciously, as a form of self-protection. Deep down, I didn’t believe I was worthy of prioritizing myself. I believed it was selfish, or irresponsible, or “not right” to focus on me when everything else needed attention.
And the goals I was setting weren’t even aligned with who I was anymore.
I had been going about change all wrong.
Lasting change doesn’t come from whim or wish. You can’t just declare or resolve your way into a new life. That’s not change, that’s a dream written on paper.
What I’ve learned is there are a few key ingredients to making change stick. Motivation, determination, and grit.
- You have to have a clear reason why you want to change or accomplish something, and it has to be aligned with who you are now. You have to feel it in your soul. For example, not just “I want to be skinny.” That’s a vanity metric for external validation, and that kind of validation isn’t sustainable.
Think instead: I want to lose 20 lbs so I have more energy and can support my longevity. This is your motivation. - You have to have a plan. You have to plan how you’re going to make it happen, how you’ll handle the excuses that try to derail you, and how you’ll maintain the change once you start. This is your determination.
- And you have to believe, not just wish. If you don’t believe you can do it, if you don’t believe you’re worthy, or if it doesn’t align with who you are, it will become just another dream that dies. You need this belief to pull on when things get tough. This is your grit.
As women in midlife, we’re actually in a powerful position to execute our wildest dreams. But we have to get out of our own way and start putting the same care and dedication we’ve spent years giving to everyone else into ourselves.
Is it easy? No.
The hardest part is often that third step. The belief in ourselves. Because in order to believe in ourselves, we first have to let go of the stories we’ve been carrying that kept us stuck.
Stories that told us we weren’t worthy, that we weren’t good enough, or that it would be selfish to focus on ourselves.
If you want help understanding the specific patterns that may be keeping you stuck, I created a short guide to help you begin naming what’s really going on beneath the surface.
👉 (Link to my free guide: What’s Really Keeping You Stuck?)
This is the work I do with women over 40.
Dismantling these stories, building confidence and resilience, and rebuilding dreams that turn into reality.
If you’re ready to stop circling the same intentions and start creating change that actually sticks, you can book a call and together we’ll explore what your next step could look like.
With you as you step into what’s next,
~Amanda